As the clock chimed away the last seconds of 2014, I was lost in oblivion. The colors of the black night and the pulsing atmosphere were dimmed by the clear stream of sunshine inside my head. It was the longest moment of my life.
No thoughts. No regrets. No memories. Just deep gratitude to a year where I finally learnt to look into the mirror and smile, despite the world crashing around me.
I used to roll my eyes at the hoopla of New Year’s Eve. The only comfort was that I could eat and eat with everyone too drunk to judge. No difference between 23:59:59 and 00:00:01 – life and years could move on so long I could chomp on good food. But this year clocked in a drastic change in my life. I finally started a journey which is not temporary; something that I will take with me until the very end and has been monumental in containing my insanity.
I also learnt two things this year – resilience and optimism (well, creative whining is third). I would accept fate and call it taking into my stride, showing off my non-existent biceps as I casually blindsided the stubborn difficulties of “life”. I was confident that time will ride out those awful moments, like it always has. How naive I was – intensely dense.
This year, I found the courage to face them and kept the punches as a last resort. This year, I held out my hand to the very elements making my life miserable and found a shaky balance to start over.
I belong to a generation that believes in replace instead of repair. If anything goes wrong, off it goes to the bin with a fresh replacement on its way. Cold realization poured over my head when I sought to do the same for something extremely precious. My fighting spirit finally woke up after a long hibernation and I smiled through some of the toughest moments I have ever faced, rarely giving in to the temptation of tears. I saw a silver lining in every dark cloud and even managed to catch a rainbow a few times. And my biggest achievement was to shake free the beast of self-victimization that was clinging tightly. Yes, I was drowning but scuba diving with beautiful corals ain’t a bad alternative; in fact, it is bloody fantastic.
I don’t know HOW this fabulous wisdom was bestowed on me. Maybe I met the right people, maybe I was dealt with the correct hurdles, or maybe I managed to share my food. Some people simply call it “life”. Shit happens. So I learnt to get my hands dirty with a laugh and some good smelling soap called optimism!
And to those who told me, “It’s okay, just a bad day” – I know they mean well, but I will never blame the day, or the year, or the luck. It is my own.
Written for SoCS prompt – “t”; think of a word that starts with it or includes it, and write away! The point is to have some fun and pour your heart out.