Reflections

Not Nice

Prajakta51 Comments
Image Take from RunEmz.com
Image from RunEmz.com

Whoever said “what goes around, comes around” is a big fat liar. And I am a bigger fatter fool to actually believe in it and live by that philosophy.

Some days go swimmingly with smiles and laughs and good spirits being exchanged. You like the people around you, there is some great bonding and then splat and bam! There is that one mango which decides to ruin it for everyone and the ideal first target is the girl who is nice. That’s me – the girl and not the mango. The mango is a reference to those people who I wish I could beat to a pulp instead of having to smile at.

I am not a door mat – that might be pushing it, but I am someone who needs to learn how to say no more frequently than I actually do. I like being nice to people even though my over-active imagination loves to take a spin in the woods and commit some brutal assassinations (I am great with killing scenarios if you need help). But yes, I am all talk. When it comes down to action I am a curled-up fluffy mouse who will probably try to accommodate your request even if it means trouble for myself.

Yes, that is the word I was searching for. I am accommodating and nice and it isn’t always nice. There have been countless incidents in the past ten years where I am fully aware that I am being taken for a ride or “exploited”. And I go along. I spend hours and days getting work done for other people while they enjoy and go shopping! I realize it but swallow those lumps building on my throat and keep doing. There are good reasons for it too at times – the recent one (and the same one that led to this rant) had a third guy who really needed help. It was just too bad the person actually responsible for him decided to sleep and let me do it – because he knows I will. Can I get any sadder than this?

And the rare moments I take off my halo and snap at them, they have the cheek to pass comments on how I should be more helpful – “jokingly” of course. A hundred “yes” lie forgotten against that one resounding “no”. The other nice people ask me to calm down and let it go. And I do… Because I cannot do anything else now. Can I?

So where is the justice? How can so many people free-ride and get away with so little trouble while idiots like me are left picking up their shit and running out of soap?

No more Miss Nice Girl. Time to smarten up, smirk and say no. Even though I know this conviction is going to last only for the next 18 minutes. But hey! Last time it lasted for 11 minutes so there is marked improvement!

Apologies for this haphazard write… Had to vent it out. Which end do you fall on? Or are you one of those lucky balanced ones?

51 thoughts on “Not Nice”

  3. What’s more true than “what comes around, goes around,” is “never expect anything from anyone and you’ll never be disappointed.” Maybe what you need to do is examine your motivations for knowingly overextending yourself. If it’s to make yourself feel useful and, therefore, happy, it’s clearly not working. Try something else.

    Sorry if this seems harsh, but it’s what helped me. Be well, my dear. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • I follow the other philosophy as well.. I used to be nice to please everyone back in school and never really stand up for myself which I was able to come out of – at the moment, it is “team spirit” that pushes me into these situations. I think.
      Thank you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  4. Nice Prajakta. When I read this I laughed- sometimes I wonder if “terrorists” actually go around actualizing their killer instincts- or are they the silent types. Anyway, if you can’t say “no”, don’t worry, you will get your due in due course- one way or the other and in one form or the other and the ones exploiting you will get their dues too, one way or the other.
    Sometimes they say, pay it forward. I wonder which is the policy we should follow ?

    Like

    Reply

    • Thanks a lot 🙂 There are different directions to follow and no way to know where they lead. I think a balance of being nice and extra-nice is important here. In time, we will learn.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  5. I am like you in this case .. forlorn after being the recipient of remarks and then at the end I have to even clarify and dust of that shit from my shoulders and pretending to be okay after some callous reasonings. 😂😂😂

    Like

    Reply

  6. Hmmm… Good to vent out like this ..We know this thing is in our system and won’t go that easily but sometimes it’s important to stop people from exploiting you …whenever you don’t wanna say no …read this post ..and you will find the courage to do so 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  7. I see nothing wrong in being agreeable (even if I don’t agree) …. if the consequences are insignificant.
    I see nothing wrong in being nice to everybody ….. as long as you accept that it will not always reciprocate.
    I see nothing wrong in doing what people ask …..if it makes them happy, and causes me no negative results.
    I see nothing wrong in volunteering to help anybody …. but recognize that you may get no thanks for it.

    I see nothing wrong in displaying compassion, sensitivity, understanding, being diplomatic as necessary, and helping out another if I can. I see nothing wring in any of that because I know that I will not compromise my standards of humane living. If I can make you happy without sacrificing my own standards, then it will be my pleasure to do so, but I am my own master…. and that is not negotiable.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  9. I long ago gave up trying to please people. I say no with relative ease these days.
    I think this problem stems from being raised to be polite and nice, and well, it’s certainly more pleasant to be liked and get along, but sometimes the cost is too great for my taste. I’ve been a serious bitch, or a spiky threshold, however you look at it, since 2001 and I’ve no regrets.
    You must know though, that when you don’t kowtow and make nice regularly, you’ll have fewer friendly interactions. On the one hand, those who mind don’t matter and all that, but on the other hand, it can lead to feeling left out.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    • That sounds like a fantastic approach to take with certain people and honestly, in my head I have choice comebacks but they refuse to come out of my mouth. At times you just have to eliminate such toxicity from your life even if it means having few but true friends and family… Thank you for sharing your experience Joey!

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  10. It takes a lot of experience to witness Karma working its magic in real time. Those with feelings will always get zapped by the semi-sociopathic narcissists, and more so by the truly psychopathic manipulators. Those are the folks who rise to the top and end up major jerk bosses. bad at being bosses but perfect at knowing how to get there. Put another way: it is easy to get people mad, as you note, but harder to attain and retain love. That’s because love can always be withdrawn as a penalty because we don’t “live up to” the other’s expectations. So attracting love and keeping it is a dance that works well when people think the same. But attracting anger and keeping it can be done with anyone. My parents stayed glued by anger for 22 years. Research psychologists/psychiatrists agree that the glue of anger of works just as well and is more consistent than the glue of love. Drat. You have this great love in life, and bingo, it means that sometimes we have to work like crazy just to retain it, or, worse yet, lose the love without knowing the real reasons why they walked away.

    Like

    Reply

    • If only love and consideration stuck longer than anger – I can vouch for this rage going through me…. Let’s see how the journey fares. Thank you for your sharing your thoughts 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  11. It’s easy to be hard on yourself when you’re dependable. People will find ways to abuse it, leaving you with extra messes to clean up. The important thing to remember is that you helping others doesn’t diminish you as a person. Other people abusing it diminish themselves.

    To be sure, I too get angry when other people abuse it. I used to feel like I was conciliatory to a fault. People telling me to just let it go would only make it worse. Telling people that isn’t helpful at all. It makes things look like you’re the one being unreasonable.

    Bottom line is that you helped someone that needed it. The person who overslept broke your trust. It’s okay to be mad at that. But it’s also okay to remember that you did the right thing for the right reasons because of your own decision. You didn’t have to help; you chose to be a decent human being.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Exactly! In spite of all this, I know I helped someone who needed it… The guy I kind of took to task in a polite manner and now things are much better. I know this won’t be the last time, but I know I progressed in taking a stand for myself, and I am okay with it. Thank you so much highlighting this very important point.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  12. You totally sound like me… you have no idea how often I have decided to not take that shit any longer and not clean up after them anymore. And I still did. I think it’s kind of who we are. Because we are not mean. We don’t like a mess. We don’t like causing issues for others. So we do our best to make sure whatever is done (even by others) is not causing trouble for anyone. We make sure that everything keeps running smoothly. But we sort of give up something by doing it.
    I’m still not sure, if I want to change that. If it’s a good thing or not. If I give up too much or actually gain more…

    Like

    Reply

  13. oh NO!
    the hardest
    word for some
    to say.. the hardest
    word some refuse to take..
    so where does one go from theRe
    on no..
    yes.. ugh oh!
    no.. you slither
    right out of hold..
    but yes.. no.. yes..
    no to regret.. the
    consequence
    of no.. now
    is to further
    progress as
    yes of
    NO!
    So..
    NO!
    Just NO!
    say yes to NO!..

    And yes.. i USED to be
    a yes person until
    yes almost kills
    me and
    there is
    nothing
    left right
    but no
    no
    No!
    NO!
    and NOwheRe
    to go after that
    but no.. NO! OH NO!
    so yes.. honor
    no..
    bY just
    doing NO!..
    and no.. yes..
    i will not now
    tale ya to have
    a nice day
    Prajakta..
    as i will
    be taling ya
    what to do..
    but hope ya do..
    anyWAY.. now..:)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  14. It’s so frustrating when others take advantage of your kindness, your tendency to be the responsible one, etc.

    I’m also trying to get more comfortable with telling people “no.” As my therapist tells me, their reaction to that “no” (or otherwise not getting their way) isn’t on me, but on them, and I have to try to let that go.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  18. Great that you let all your heart’s words out 🙂 These kind of things happen, more than once, multiple times and we learn each time from it 🙂 We gotta learn to say NO. I also belong to the same category as yours 😉

    Like

    Reply

  20. Hey, I find it difficult to say no too! But thankfully not been exploited as such yet. I’m sure writing about it would be the first step towards your goal.
    Glad to have dropped by here 🙂

    Like

    Reply

  21. You as much as anyone deserves you compassion. That’s a paraphrase of a Buddhist quote. Include yourself in your circle of compassion. Be nice to you, too. You’re on the right track!

    Like

    Reply

  22. Aaah well my dear Prajakta…I can totally understand what you mean. Even if “they” jokingly say that you’ve done nothing for them, it still hurts like hell. And lump in throat is unavoidable in such situations. Being an overly-sensitive person doesn’t help either.

    but I want you to know, it’s people like you who make this world a much better place, have compassion and love beyond words could explain. Be proud of the way you are! love ❤

    Like

    Reply

  23. Good post Prajakta. It is a lesson to learn to say no and we all need to learn that in one or another way.
    It is kind to wish to help others, but it is not kind to over use or abuse your own power and sometimes this lesson is tough to get.

    Like

    Reply

  24. When people complain to me about being exploited in this fashion, my response is almost always that the situation can be resolved by use of that simple two letter word, no. And I almost always let them finish their venting rant before providing this response. Like you, it makes them feel better. I may even resort to this therapy myself on occasion, though not as often as I did before I learned the value of my own advice.

    Like

    Reply

  25. Oh yes!! But then isn’t it we who would have become weak at the moment and say yes..probably we know what it is like to take a no!
    I want you to read the book “THE SECRET” by Rhonda Bryne!!
    One hell of a book, you will know how to deal with everything in life, it’s a personal bible for me:)

    Like

    Reply

Share your thoughts...