Lost in the Party!

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I was at a party last night. A party I gate crashed actually. I wasn’t invited even though everyone around me had received one of those glossy gold and blue invitation cards. I really wanted to be there, so I decided to cleverly make my way inside. I knew I deserved to be there and see all those people.

I fully expected to feel like a deer in headlights on my entrance; instead I was looked right through. No one noticed as I slipped between groups or deliberately bumped into them. There wasn’t even a polite smile directed my way. I had prepared some truly witty sentences that I could throw around and practiced my laugh at hundred times in front of the mirror (Remember, left profile is more flattering!). I wanted my troubles to finally pay off… and how dare not a single person acknowledge my presence. I was visible; I had double-checked my reflection.

Time to reveal a secret – I didn’t even know who was throwing the party. I barely knew the people there – two or five I guess. Don’t ask me anything beyond their names. But I had to be there! It was the crème de la crème! The numerous years I have spent in bylines have made me an expert at studying those upturned angles of the jaw. The delicate touch of fingers to mouth and elegant flick of an errant lock of hair from the eyes. The rich perfume that followed their steps – the luxuriant air of confidence and belonging. They thrive in that comfort and assurance; here they find a kinship that I have been craving and trying to cultivate.

This was my moment. It was time for me take the spotlight and make them notice me. I jumped into the very eye of the tornado and loudly announced my presence. My senses were on high alert to demonstrate my lines and gestures right on cue. Heard I was and seen I definitely was. I was also groped and tugged and pinched and pulled. Not that I felt anything. I had arrived and was basking in the moment. Did that cute guy just let out a loud guffaw over something I said? Oh my! Bring up a round of champagne please.

It was nearing dusk as I decided to make my excuses. I carefully matched my steps with other regular guests as we made our way towards the door. I happened to glance at the mirror and to my shock, I couldn’t find myself. I twisted and turned trying to find my reflection but it was not there. I asked someone if they could see me and they gave me a strange look as they replied “There is no you. There is only us now. Us!”

I didn’t understand and look! There was someone in the reflection who was wearing the same look of confusion. I realized it was my body. Just not the same one that had walked into the party. I could see a twisted arm, a forked tongue and glazed eyes. I saw faint rashes around my neck almost like a rope had been at it and a complicated knot weighing down my head. I was truly one of them – matching feature to feature. I was not me. I had left that me behind at the party probably cowering into a corner. I could see her at a distance, growing fainter in the rising sun and looking at me with grim accusation.

Until we never met again.

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39 thoughts on “Lost in the Party!

  1. Well it never works if we try to be someone else.. The best way is to be you always.. and when you are you … you will always stand out and not be one of the faces because you is unique always..

    Like

  2. The end is quite true. You know the fire in which you can find yourself, you can even lose yourself.
    Next time if you crash a party count me in with you, so that you could find a better you than loose a you. 🙂
    Happy March. 🙂

    Like

  3. SMiLe..s my friend..
    Prjakta.. a wonderful
    story in fiction here..
    of getting lost in the expectations
    of others.. what i find and feel iN liFe
    best is at the end of the day when wE cLose
    our eYes.. We face the dream and reality that
    iS wE ARE both aLone and AlloNE with the
    rest of realiTy.. and to limiT
    any of that dream
    through the
    expectations
    or limits of
    others is
    tRuly the
    essence of lost..
    when i sleep and
    when i dream i awake
    to the same human
    iN the mirror
    that iS
    me aT
    core oF
    essence FREE..:)

    Like

  4. This story can actually have few different meanings. First could be a creepy dream, second – a harsh reality of finding ourselves lost in mediocrity. I hate to be the part of the crowd. I really do.
    Beautiful writing, Praj!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The ‘ me’ in the corner ws definitely not covering, the me ws plotting a post , for a world which fits in with her, likes her thoughts n follows her , …..nice post 🙂

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  6. I am a little lost. Perhaps I am trying to fit your post into a category and am unable to. The best category I can come up with is “thought-provoking”. I think there are many shades in the story. Each time I read it a new meaning comes out. Well narrated 🙂

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  7. Extremely well written Prajakta. Feeling left out and not being included can really affect a person’s self worth and identity. I identified so much of a time in my late teens and early twenties.

    Thank you for sharing! 🙂

    ~Carl~

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  8. Woah. This. Is. Something. I guess it’s an indescribable feeling? I mean I get you, or maybe it’s just me thinking that I get you, while in fact my view is tainted from my own experiences? But, no. I think I do get you… It’s sad. I wonder, how many will never get this?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Nicely expressed. “Deer in the headlight” part is superb! Please allow me to point out a possible typo – in the last para I feel you want to say ‘cowering’ instead of ‘covering’.

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  10. Reblogged this on Loving Me, Too and commented:
    Excellent message from “An Armchair Perfectionist.” I’m so glad I don’t try to fit into such situations anymore. I’ve learned this the hard way: “If it don’t fit, don’t force it.”

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Reading this was an intense experience. It’s like losing oneself to be like other. The fear, the thought itself is frightening. People do lose their identity to be recognized as a symbolized individual and the journey back is the toughest one indeed.
    Great read Prajakta! It’s truly amazing! ^_^

    Like

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