Not Dead

I am alive and breathing and yawning. I have been AWOL for the last month – In fact not even opened WordPress for exactly two weeks.

It was not exactly planned, but I think the Inside me was busy being an oyster. The Outside me on the other hand was a social butterfly. I went home for almost a week and didn’t even carry my laptop. I traveled and visited a few friends after more than a year and had a most amazing time with them. All the while, I was technologically cut off except for the bare essentials. I did some running, I did a lot of baking (cookies and cakes and cheesecakes), I went bird-watching, I did tons of shopping for upcoming events.

All this while, my inside was a blank slate. It was not taking anything in. It was not throwing anything out. There were points where I experienced the concept of “Nothing”. I truly cleared my mind and I think it happened because I did not even try to do it. It was finally exhausted of the myriad maze of thoughts and anticipations and planning. Every day of the next few months is jam packed with a TO-DO list. I have deadlines piling over at work and it has been swamping about 50 hours a week. I also somehow managed to twist my ankle again randomly so I am reduced to hobbling.

Weirdly, I got a lot of inspiration to think and my drafts are full of scribbles. But I just have the sugar and the flour. I am still missing the rising and binding agents to put it together. And I am not able to look for it to find it. My mind just shuts off every time I take a pen to a paper. It rebels and I don’t know why. The overflow of thoughts that followed the drought refuse to burst out – instead they are just eating each other up. I have taken to inhaling books and

I am finally happy I sorted out enough to write this post! I have been unfair to many people whose work I adore but now have not even been able to pop up silently. Slowly I am getting back into the groove before I go on another break in three weeks – a break I have been planning for almost a year now but finally made it happen in the last few months.

Don’t give up yet. I have oatmeal mocha cookies as a bribe 🙂