Not Dead

I am alive and breathing and yawning. I have been AWOL for the last month – In fact not even opened WordPress for exactly two weeks.

It was not exactly planned, but I think the Inside me was busy being an oyster. The Outside me on the other hand was a social butterfly. I went home for almost a week and didn’t even carry my laptop. I traveled and visitedΒ a few friends after more than a year and had a most amazing time with them. All the while, I was technologically cut off except for the bare essentials. I did some running, I did a lot of baking (cookies and cakes and cheesecakes), I went bird-watching, I did tons of shopping for upcoming events.

All this while, my inside was a blank slate. It was not taking anything in. It was not throwing anything out. There were points where I experienced the concept of “Nothing”. I truly cleared my mind and I think it happened because I did not even try to do it. It was finally exhausted of the myriad maze of thoughts and anticipations and planning. Every day of the next few months is jam packed with a TO-DO list. I have deadlines piling over at work and it has been swamping about 50 hours a week.Β I also somehow managed to twist my ankle again randomly so I am reduced to hobbling.

Weirdly, I got a lot of inspiration to think and my drafts are full of scribbles. But I just have the sugar and the flour. I am still missing the rising and binding agents to put it together. And I am not able to look for it to find it. My mind just shuts off every time I take a pen to a paper. It rebels and I don’t know why. The overflow of thoughts that followed the drought refuse to burst out – instead they are just eating each other up. I have taken to inhaling books and

I am finally happy I sorted out enough to write this post! I have been unfair to many people whose work I adore but now have not even been able to pop up silently. Slowly I am getting back into the groove before I go on another break in three weeks – a break I have been planning for almost a year now but finally made it happen in the last few months.

Don’t give up yet. I have oatmeal mocha cookies as a bribe πŸ™‚

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33 thoughts on “Not Dead

  1. May be u were restless. May be some thoughts bothering you deep within.. May be past memories are haunting.. I don’t know . but now that u r back .. I hope I get some great posts to read .. As always u do..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. sMiLes.. my FriEnd.. Prajakta..
    nice to see you back here blogging
    again.. and yes.. the mind can only take
    so much of so many different things that
    it gives us feedback on what it can and
    can reliably do next.. Oh.. Lord.. 50 hours
    a week in deadlines is quite the change
    from a Vacation when
    the mind finally
    just calms
    down in these
    symbols for our
    experiences we call
    words.. and mindful awareness
    rises to the top and the tea bag
    of subconscious mind steeps
    and mixes with renewed
    conscious miNd and
    Body Balance
    refreshed and
    awakened but yes..
    wiTh 50 hours a week
    of work and all those deadlines
    the priority of reality becomes
    mechanical cognition that as
    science shows inhibits
    the social empathic
    mind that
    includes
    creativity
    and interpretation
    of the deeper stuff iN liFE..
    so yes.. your social butterfly
    life gave your creativity WinGS
    and perHaps all those deadlines
    and hours of work to come noW
    iS sinKinG that subconscious
    pArt of Flow iN ZonE..
    lower than
    out
    put now
    that was beFoRe
    when perHaps the
    Prajakta BRain wAves
    moved from Beta.. to
    Alpha and even
    closer
    to
    Theta
    trance of
    Creativity’s
    wAkinG iN
    Fruition oF
    Dreams NoW
    In ExpreSsinG
    thaT greaT SpiRit
    iN words and otHeR arts
    of HeARt In New ways Of
    Creation Activity BeinG..:)

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I go with the others: Wonderful to have you posting… whatever you are posting. I understand that at times you have the topics but it doesn’t feel “full” enough. You are doing good in just letting things happen. The more relaxed you are the better inspiration can flow!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Sometimes we need to go with the flow and live life. You’ve been doing a good job with that! Thanks for checking in with an update. I enjoyed the metaphors like your thoughts eating each other.

    Like

  5. Reading your blog is certainly a treat to me as an hotelier,traveler & foodie.Every post is different from other & beautifully crafted with lovely thoughts and feelings.πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ˜Š

    Like

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