I don’t remember the last time I really looked at my reflection in the mirror – not even on my wedding day. Typically I spend a few minutes required each morning to ensure that I pass off as a reasonable human specimen at work. Otherwise, I simply avoid looking at myself and examining what or who is really looking back at me.
It has been a whirlwind few months for me… Physically, I have taken some time off to rejuvenate. Mentally? It’s a blank slate. It was a riot outside of me while inside there resided a long silence. It is still quiet – I do have thoughts that flicker like a match – aflame and powerful for a moment then quickly burning out into smoke and ash *my drafts folder nods enthusiastically*
It feels like I was living in a dream while dreams feel like reality! My life gets a … life… at night as I am dreaming away to Pluto; I feel more alive then instead of the waking hours as a clockwork human where I am just checking off my present and losing the sense of time. Looking into the mirror and trying to talk to myself was difficult as we were both working on different surreal platforms. What if I don’t recognize the person in the mirror? Or what if we get into a fight? They are both me right?
I know there is no permanence to this phase of feeling “out of it” as I am already getting back in it! It’s just a slow evolution which is work in progress – that should explain the limbo stage of life.
Every day I tell myself – tomorrow I will look at myself really hard in the mirror and stay longer than the time taken to apply my eye-liner. I want to talk it out – bring closure to our incomplete conversations.
Til then, I will just sleep it out – that works, right?