Ambition?

Image result for ambition
I hope this isn’t always true …

The appraisal cycle at work is almost at the end and has given rise to rumors that range from optimistic to ludicrous to jump-off-the-building depressing. Raises, progressions and ratings… Whew. We play the cat and mouse game till the outcome trots along taking its own sweet time.

I am not exactly Ms. Ambitious. Never have I aimed to top exams or fast track the corporate ladder to be the next CXO. Yes, I have certain plans to follow and standards to achieve – but by no means have I been governed by them.

But the last year has been different. The yardstick of my personal success criteria is becoming taller and broader. I have not planted stick in the ground and climbing to meet it. I am balancing it on my head which means … it keeps becoming taller and I’ll never be able to meet it.

I am setting myself up for disappointment here, am I not?

Expectations from self had been easy to dismiss while expectations from others always come with the extra pressure to deliver. Tables are turning and now I am not sure of what is becoming of me. I am becoming fiercely guarded about my work … I am almost crossing the line of assertiveness and stepping into the unknown territory of aggression.

I have never really LEAD people before and now that is happening, I am a little stumped. I want to set a good example and I fear I am trying to do too much. On the other hand, I don’t really want to slack off. It is a cumbersome process of striking a balance – you know being the perfect mix of fun and friendly yet firm.

I am over-thinking it because it has never mattered to me before and now all of a sudden, I have really strategic visions about myself. And now I care about it.

I am sure this feeling is common. I just want it to feel common for me too. Ironically, there is a strong part of me that just wants to quit and travel!

Go figure …

Advertisements

35 thoughts on “Ambition?

  1. I think that our goals change over time, and we react to those changes. In the global business climate, assertiveness is valued, and also required. You’ll do fine, Prajakta!

    Like

  2. I think we have this sorta inner scale that tries to balance us in all aspects our lives. At best, we bend gracefully to change — step back to evaluate or work harder to improve the outcome. I think just your own self-awareness of your feelings and inclinations indicates strength. I mean, you really can’t succeed without trying and caring.

    Like

    • You nailed it! And this self-awareness is just leading to this feeling that I need to deliver on this new count. It’s a bit exhausting since it is so new … but fun as well!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. sMiLes my friEnd..
    when i thiNk abouT
    AmBiTion.. i pawNder aBout
    Competition and Winning.. too..
    And what i find
    in liFe with
    zero
    stress
    is i alWays
    Win as River
    oF MiLeStoNes
    And neVer SiNkinG
    Below See Level NoW ..
    mY FriEnD Prajakta.. too.. as
    Lord kNows/FeeLs/SenSes.. i Lose
    PreSenT oF NoW WiTh DeadLines..
    oF ThiNk.. so..
    i raTheR
    NoT
    KnoW and FLoW..
    but nah.. doesn’t
    worK iN A MiLL
    StoNe.. of
    CorPoRaTe.. Hehe..;)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You ask good questions. The pendulum swings from working harder to having more fun, back and forth, seeking balance. Change is normal. As long as the swing is not too extreme and you make time every day for joy, you will be fine. Some days, it might be 15 minutes of joy. Some days it might be going for a walk in your own city, and some days it will be traveling to exotic lands.

    Like

  5. A very wise Mentor once told me the key to remaining calm in leadership. He said to never let the person, moment, situation dictate your response to it. He said the secret is to “Always act, never React” to a situation. I think you will do great. Be yourself.

    Like

  6. I find I often expect too much of myself.. but without expectations, we would be lost, right.. directionless.. I suppose there has to be a fine line made in the sand..

    Like

  7. Aah, that has been a perennial dilemma! I’d suggest to just flow with your instinctive thoughts; though with adequate compassion! πŸ™‚
    I truly believe in the concept of Laddership along with Leadership where you become a Ladder for people to grow & create Leaders in the process.
    Though in a different context, you’ve led many people earlier too (including me) both tangibly & intangibly and with your thoughts! #Infinity #CR
    You already are a leader irrespective of your reporting relationships! I’m confident you’ll be a good leader-cum-manager at workplace too & that will certainly give wings to your ambitions! πŸ™‚
    Meanwhile, you might want to check this short 5-minute video titled ‘The Power of the Mindful Minute at Work’: http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=7515

    Like

  8. You so accurately described a lot of what I am feeling right now! It is such a confusing mix of emotions, no? Just how seriously should we take these things, and then again, how can we not?

    Wish you all the best for everything – it will be good! πŸ™‚

    Like

  9. A lot of soul searching here Prajakta (which I do a lot myself).

    I know you will make a perfect balance with your leadership roles. Life can be very complex at times.

    Thanks for sharing a bit of your heart. Take care my friend! πŸ™‚

    Like

  10. I really don’t have the experience to say much on this, but I do hope everything works out, soon. And, if not soon, then surely at the right time.

    Like

Share your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s