There has been a buzz inside my head, a silent disturbing noise that fades into the background but doesn’t quite let go of its hold on your mind.
I feel like I am spending my time in slow-motion, as the world passes by leaving a trail of scraps and lost bits of hope. I never really understood what it feels like to be in this. When some of my friends went through a really horrible phase, they put the words to their feelings but I could never understand. I always used to feel that just focus, gather the strength to take control of the situation and move forward.
And now, I realised how naive I was. How do you focus when the whole world is blurred? How do you gather strength when even getting up drains you of all motivation? How do you take control when there is nothing to take charge of!! There is no situation, there are no people, there is no direction.
The world is fine. It’s my head that’s in the limbo state. It’s just blank with the taunting noise serving as a sign of the existence of the negativity wrapped in my conscience. It’s been screaming, but even if someone listens, I don’t think I know what those words are.
I have been AWOL. I might be for some time more. It’s a mess.
An Armchair Perfectionist 
Don’t worry…whatever has been bogging you down won’t matter in a while. This is how i overcome difficult times.
Even if it lasts for a really long time, we won’t last…so it doesn’t matter either way you look at it.
All in all, get up and get going. Life is yours to live.
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Thank you so much … Just trying to keep my chin up! 🙂
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I hope, that you will feel better soon.
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Thank you very much Irene! I hope you are doing well 🙂
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Thank you Prajakta, I’m doing okay.
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Take your time Prajakta. We’ll be here when you are ready. Take care.
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Thank you Colin!
Feeling a lot better – spending time with a doggie friend helped
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Dear Prajakta, I hope that you feel your light pervading you again soon. You are a beautiful soul and you deserve to be happy as it is your nature. As Colin said, whenever you are ready we will be here and happy to embrace you… when even virtually. Blessings to you, Prajakta!
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Thank you so much Erika! The support I got here is one the reasons I felt at ease with the emotions I was feeling – I am slowly coming out. Taking a much needed detoxification break – my sound of my posts in drafts had started to worry me.
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I know what you mean and that you noticed it by observing yourself and what comes from you shows that you never completely lost yourself. Transformation or transition always confuses the mind but your heart is strong and here you are again! Glad to have you back, Prajakta 💖
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I hope that you will not be too self-critical. Give yourself a break. And I hope that you will find someone to help you work through this very difficult mental state, if that is what you choose to do. Take care. We will be waiting for your future posts because you always have something important to say.
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Thank you so much Tom! I have a great support system- including this blogging community 🙂 I am slowly getting there
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Often times, slow is good. Best wishes.
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I know how exactly you are feeling as I am just back after that tough time and how tough it’s to stay calm… nothing else can chill us during those moments… what all I can say is “ live without expect anything from anyone..just live in your comfort and priorities”
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Thank you so much Akhila! That’s some really good advice 🙂
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I’ve felt like that a few times myself. I’m sorry that you’re going through a mess. It will pass. While it’s going on, know that we’re with you in spirit and you’re never alone because we’ve all been through some stuff.
Sometimes I’ll pick something to focus on — set tiny goals for myself, just to make me feel like I have control over something. I learned that in therapy. Some sort of daily book, like a spiritual, self-help, meditation calendar type thing that has a daily focus is good. Also, ‘I’ll do yoga every day’ or ‘I’ll lift weights every day’ or ‘I’ll eat an orange in silence every day.’ Good for you stuff like that can give you a solace, and a kind of peace, even something to look forward to. I highly recommend that kind of thing as a part of getting through.
And darling girl, the world is most definitely not okay, but you will be soon. x
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Your comment was so touching, Almost like something went into my eye… I have tried to get some schedule, but to be frank – I am exhausted! Just dragging myself from bed is a trial. But I did manage to run … and visited some friends (and mainly their dog). I feel okay in bits and pieces. I hope to do a quick turnaround. This really doesn’t feel like me 😦
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First of all i must say.. Prajakta that You are Brave
to share the Darkness you Feel as WeLL as all the Lights
You Experience in your Life with Friends in Blog Way.. today..
For Sure as someone on what ‘they’ name
As a Bi-Polar Spectrum for some
roller coaster tracks of
life.. i surely
understand
what an invisible
disability depression
can be when one is in “tHere”
and the folks around have no clue
to what the darkness one feels or not-feels
in WithiN is as For Sure the Inner UniVerse of BeinG
hUman iN dARk thru LiGht And BeYOnd Eays of BeinG NoW
Can and Will be extremely hard to put into words.. particularly
if there is no personal reference point
out of the deep current
dark one has not
experienced
and
labeled before as
guide posts to get out
and hopefully never return
again.. where the Roller Coaster
of Life is More of a Gentle Hilly Journey
than this or
that cliff
up
or down..
True.. it’s Common too For
Very Intelligent and Creative
Folks to see a little more than others
making life a much more stressful road
that can and will actually Biologically Harm
the More Joyous Feelings of Life.. anyWay.. at the
deepest points of my life in dARk i always had at least
one person who did their best
to tale me that things
would get better
but it was
kinda hard
as those
folks
had never
actually been
to my sHade
of Hell.. i was experiencing then..
All i know is when all feelings of hope
go away for even a memory of what hope feels
like as long as there is will to go on to make another
step of life now no matter how hard it may be to Lift Life’s
legs up to that.. there is change.. yes.. change.. the greaTest
oF aLL Gifts of LiFE And While it’s True that Change Can and
Will be negative and bring us down.. tHeRE is the other change
too just waiting to be felt and sensed again with Will to move the
next step of feet.. Walk.. mY Friend and the Dance and Song will come again..
Even when
You cannot
FeeL
iT.. Walk mY friEnd..:)
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Thank you so much! To share your own journey selflessly like this – I was not brave. This was selfish – a plea of sorts perhaps or maybe a want to let it out of my system. It felt like a roller coaster in the beginning, but as it ebbs … it’s a bumpy road.
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SMiLes Prajakta..
As Life is a lot like
American
Politics..
Stones thrown
iN A Pond.. Raging
Waves and then Still
Water Comes again..
but true too..
ultimately
it all makes
life taste like
something at least with smiles..
sure.. with some pot holes left in
the road
too with a
bumpy ride..;)
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Thank you for sharing so honestly Prajakta. Each person’s battle with their mental health can vary and be different. For me I can’t say enough for how running helps me. It is those times when I don’t feel like running and have no motivation is when I need it the most.
It does take time and is not easy. You are my friend, and I care for you!
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Thank you so much Carl … It’s been such a trying time, and I am making a conscious effort not to lose sight of the end goal. Running has been my constant companion – it eases in spite of the horrifying pollution levels. With time, I see I am coming out of this rut.
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You can do this my friend! 🙂
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Prajakta, I am so sorry you are facing these challenges. Difficult times can certainly try us, but you are resilient. Take time for yourself and respect where you are in this moment—-and, in time, it will pass. You have a beautiful and joyful soul that just needs a little rest. Thinking of you! ❤️xo
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A nice blog you have here! God Bless! 2018 might be a bit better, you see. Ha Ha. 🙂
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Thanks a lot for joining in and your support 🙂 Welcome aboard!
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Take your time and space. This is totally relatable to me as I myself had a tough time some months back… I too am back now after a long break.. Hope the best for you as well… p.s – you have an amazing blog. 😊
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Thank you so much Sushmita. I am so late in responding to you but the support I received during this trying time has been incredible! I hope things are now all good for you as well 🙂 Looking forward to visiting your blog.
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Just as much as good times don’t last forever, challenging periods do come to an end. Anyway I am writing this “gyan” after seeing your Feb post, so I guess I am right 🙂
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