Now Open

I am opening the doors of my blog again today. Not that they were locked shut from the outside, but from the inside, it had definitely gathered some dust. I now need to love it with some fresh air and sunshine.

As I am brushing down the curtains and dusting the lounge chairs, I am finally feeling a sense of calm that has been amiss for a long long time. I am done running. I am here for good.

Last few weeks, many people reached out asking if I have quit blogging and my response was a horrified “No!”. And then came the trigger when a dear friend texted me over the weekend, checking up on my blogging hiatus and reminding me that it was Saturday – the time for my beloved SOCS post. That did the trick. I opened my blog after almost two months and headed over to see the prompt. How fitting – “Doors”.

So here I am 🙂

I am better now. I am normal now. I had traveled to Vietnam for a 10-day holiday celebrating with D our first wedding anniversary. I admit, the shadows didn’t leave me entirely, but it was a good change for both of us. And the new year brought along the most amazing development and brought many occasions of merriment – to cheer and celebrate. We opened way too many bottles of champagne and wine over the last few weeks in sheer happiness. I will post about it once I have more details around the same.

I have dealt with the horrible mess that has been going on for the last few months. Took a while and a lot of ugly scenes, but now it is firmly behind me. I am moving forward and I am doing things that I love again. I have re-started reading, baking, and running. Writing is up next. And I will be catching up with my blogger friends right about now and your stories of how 2018 has been going so far. Thank you for your support and understanding.


Belated linking to my first SOCS post of 2018 (and my overall first post of 2018)



Don’t give me your grays…

I crave for scarlet and violet and mauve and navy. My eyes are roving for deep splashes and resolute textures. It’s a call for an explosion of the light shattering upon the dark, to understand the colors all over again.

Don’t give me your doubts…

I want emotions – raw and expelling with intensity. I want to love fiercely and unconditionally, burn a green fire of jealousy, sink into purified hatred, burst like a bomb with euphoria. To covet the lucidity as clear as the glow of a blazing candle!

Don’t give me your prejudices…

I desire absolute persistence and coherence of conceptions. To strike the bull eye’s because there is no other possibility! And smash the plank into clean halves with a singular stroke because there is no room for the waste of idiosyncrasies.

Don’t give me your incompleteness…

I want you … one and whole. I want you selfishly without any compromise. Comprehensively to the last speck of your heart and soul. Down to the synchronized pulse of our thoughts and desires.

Unqualified. Undiluted. Untainted.


For the last few months, I was operating on auto-pilot with the simplest default mode on. I was probably worse than a robot as at least a robot, has some direction configured. If someone had asked me to describe myself, then I’d have been at a loss! Let’s see what could have fit …

A process consultant? Eh!

An aspiring writer? I wish!

A health enthusiast? There have been days!

An experimental baker? Huh huh!

A questioning traveller? I try!

An awesome flower-chaser? Well… Yes!

That is one out of six … one and half if I give myself some benefit of doubt. That’s about it.

But now … I have at least one answer.

That I am still a person – and not a bad one at that. My consistent second-guessing of my mental state and of the Void I was peddling in is at peace. I am loving this … experience – it’s not quite a vacation- I don’t want to box it in. I have earlier written about the work my mother has been doing in the tribal village areas of Northeast India – possibly the most cut-off part of the country both culturally and geographically.

Since five days I have been immersed in the medical camps and the cathartic sense of purpose. These days are more real to me than the last few months. I am with people who still struggle for the most basic of facilities – for whom the word “doctor” is a distant dream. Yet the warm welcome, the outstanding hospitality and attention to details are simply wonderful! There is no power play, there is no politics, there is no personal vendetta. These are people who know work has to be done and are bent over backwards to ensure the dental camps operate smoothly.

No hiccup is too bad. No hurdle is too great. Why worry when there is a problem to be solved? Where there is a will… there is a way or at least a workaround! (I witnessed numerous classic textbook examples). Here I worried about my future, my life decisions while these people have no idea about their present. Yet they smile, yet they toil and yet they put the people above the individual. And for these fleeting moments, I am a part of this system, feeling their confusion, their pain and their hope.

I want to hold on to this warmth. As I write this after climbing half a hill to get range, I feel the cooling warmth of the autumn sun illuminating the valleys of rice fields and misty mountain tops. I want to bottle this light in a crystal decanter and preserve the pulse of those golden rays around me. A reminder that I too am living, breathing and thinking organism.



Meet my new favourite word – Komorebi!

It is when sunlight filters through the trees – the interplay between the light and the leaves.

Can I just say, how poetic is has made my moments especially in the ongoing monsoon season? I adore getting right under the tree and look up to trace imaginary threads stringing their way to the top. For some moments, I feel like the richest person in the world as I behold the sight of the streams of sunlight kissing the droplets to give them an appearance of a frozen shower of stars!

Any new, quirky, unusual word caught your eye lately? 🙂


Clicked during a recent vacation to Munnar, Kerela.

It felt good to get winded after so long -gasping and panting for breath with my mind gratefully numbed out.

It has been almost a week that my hand became better – my functioning is almost normal and I am okay as long as I avoid handshakes. They are my temporary personal hells. The first thing I did to feel normal was to go for a run.

I overdid it. I should have stopped at 3km but well, I was enjoying the burn so much that I kept at it. It felt good to be in control of my body and not give in to the fatigue that seeps in. I welcomed the weightlessness of my head after weeks of heavy eyes and dizzying pain. I truly felt like myself – no amount of squats, lunges or burpees do the magic as the good ol’ fashioned run.

I miss feeling alive. I miss the racing heartbeats. I miss the breathlessness as thoughts run over themselves to get out.

It has not been a picnic for the people around me – a bundle of nerves and negativity I was. The pounds have piled on around my waist, my work has become bland and Game of Thrones is taking on a storyline that is not to my liking! Journeying my way through books, music and assimilating the perfect brownie recipes, I kept from losing it completely. D – bless his soul – was patient most of the times!

In this time, I re-discovered a new fascination for science. Astronomy was always an interest through science fiction, but then facts are stranger than fiction! While I may not be knocking on ISRO’s doors anytime soon (They will shut down the moment they start admitting people like me), I think I want this channel to stay open. A belated resolution to learn something new came to me. Illness isn’t without benefits, I suppose.

Can I just SHOUT OUT a MASSIVE THANK YOU to all of you? The amount of love and support I have received, is incredible.

We are approaching the last week of August…. Can you believe how time has flown???