The wounds sneak up slowly.
The blade and the belt catch you unaware,
On the precipice of the cliff
And the free fall into the churning tides.
.
You don’t recognize the relief you seek.
Is it from the intense sting of your welts?
Or from the powerful current you can never take on?
Or from the pointed rocks that tempt you to end it all….

The culmination came and went by. The dust has settled and suddenly time is a friend. A flaky friend, perhaps but at least not the antagonist in the present state of life.
I am officially an educated unemployed. It hasn’t really sunk in as I immediately took off on a vacation after my last day at work but now as Wednesday afternoon creeps by, I realize I have nothing on my hands except perhaps trace the shades of my tan and the increased pounds around my waist.
I did not take well to quitting my job. I was obsessed in wrapping up pending tasks and deliverables and would even dream about them. Even during the vacation, I was dreaming about the work scheduled – because the thing is – I know what is the work scheduled for the rest of the year. But then I knew I had to take a break! Last few months have been a miserable time and to keep my sanity I had to quit earlier than I was supposed to. The sense of ownership is taking its time in leaving me but I am getting there.
Unlimited time is a gift I need to utilize because the truth is – time is running out. I have less than 45 days to put my life in cardboard boxes before time makes its next play. Last year, D and I decided to take a major step ahead and now that is materializing. I have spoken to a couple of people on the blog about it – I just hope our decision doesn’t backfire. It’s a risk – but then, the payoffs are worth it!
It takes a lot to fight gravity,
The first law of nature that we adapt to.
To keep our feet firmly grounded,
Lest we crash and fall.
But oh, the exhilaration of jumping in the air,
Of the innocent abandonment of playing on a swing,
A leap of faith, if nothing else.
Take the plunge to soar up,
Feel the gusts of wind bringing out wings hitherto invisible.
Don’t turn your back to increasingly piercing light of the sun,
Don’t shut your eyes and find yourself astray.
Try again if you crash hard,
And let the freedom of the flight be your guide.
Written for the weekly prompt at Sue‘s write photo challenge.
Ever felt so stifled by a life jacket?
That the one thing keeping you afloat,
is also the hand choking you.
It compresses your lungs, on and on,
until you cannot scream or draw in a breath.
Your hands itch to scratch and tear free
the suffocating grasp of the jacket.
You are ready to chance drowning
just to take one fervent gulp of pure air.
Darkness and silence of the void beckons more
than the ringing of your conscience,
than the shine of the blinding sun,
than the last fire of burning lungs.
So much flexibility to the definition of home over the years… What started of as the brick and mortar of the family and abode of childhood memories to something that can even fit in your head without any tangible existence.
Home is in the calmness of mind.
Home is where resides the deepest of sleep
Home lies in the confidence of running blind
Home is where dreams sway high and deep
Home happens where no shackles bind
Home brings the security of making the leap
I have been running away from the establishment of this home thinking that it is only going to limit my journey. I fear of being a river that simply lies put in a dam only to burst in sprints; I want to keep flowing – straight or curving, fast or slow – and make the slow yet mesmerizing progress in search of the vast ocean. This fear almost becomes a box with no windows or doors which keeps evaporating every ounce of energy.
Now home is where I am. And where I choose to just be.
Inspired by Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday where the prompt is “Ho” – Find a word with the two letters–“ho”–in that order.
An Armchair Perfectionist 