Breathless

Clicked during a recent vacation to Munnar, Kerela.

It felt good to get winded after so long -gasping and panting for breath with my mind gratefully numbed out.

It has been almost a week that my hand became better – my functioning is almost normal and I am okay as long as I avoid handshakes. They are my temporary personal hells. The first thing I did to feel normal was to go for a run.

I overdid it. I should have stopped at 3km but well, I was enjoying the burn so much that I kept at it. It felt good to be in control of my body and not give in to the fatigue that seeps in. I welcomed the weightlessness of my head after weeks of heavy eyes and dizzying pain. I truly felt like myself – no amount of squats, lunges or burpees do the magic as the good ol’ fashioned run.

I miss feeling alive. I miss the racing heartbeats. I miss the breathlessness as thoughts run over themselves to get out.

It has not been a picnic for the people around me – a bundle of nerves and negativity I was. The pounds have piled on around my waist, my work has become bland and Game of Thrones is taking on a storyline that is not to my liking! Journeying my way through books, music and assimilating the perfect brownie recipes, I kept from losing it completely. D – bless his soul – was patient most of the times!

In this time, I re-discovered a new fascination for science. Astronomy was always an interest through science fiction, but then facts are stranger than fiction! While I may not be knocking on ISRO’s doors anytime soon (They will shut down the moment they start admitting people like me), I think I want this channel to stay open. A belated resolution to learn something new came to me. Illness isn’t without benefits, I suppose.

Can I just SHOUT OUT a MASSIVE THANK YOU to all of you? The amount of love and support I have received, is incredible.

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We are approaching the last week of August…. Can you believe how time has flown???

Sands of Time

My run of good health came to an abrupt end a few of weeks back and I have been in and out of the hospital. The recovery is on but I have been left with a barely functioning right-hand that bemoans at the thought of heavy movement (Blame those IV injections). The thought of typing is painful but today is my blog's third birthday and of course, I wanted to butt in and wave a hello with my left hand!

And also leave something to ponder that has been doing rounds in my head.

This happened to me at the pathology lab I frequented for my medical tests. It was still very early in the morning, and particularly rainy – only a handful of us sleepily making our way pricks and pees. I was as far from dwelling on ageing as I peed in the cup as I am to landing on Mars, but I did!

The lowdown of what happened –

There was a lady, a very old lady seemingly unaccompanied who was there to take some tests.

She had to enter her details in the system before they could take her blood. It seemed that she was a little short of hearing, so they asked her for her details, ever so slowly – repeating every key word. Her answers were apologetic and laced with regret as she asked them to repeat their questions, visibly fretting over the "inconvenience" she was causing.

When I looked around the room, every person wore the same gentle, patronizing smile. The lab guys also somehow assumed that she will not know what a cellphone is let alone remember the number, and proceeded to mansplain it. They also preferred to overlook her remarks at the tests she had to take and just refer to the prescription.

Because she was old, and frail and apologetic?

She was impaired of hearing, but she was evidently of sound mind! Her answers were crisp and clear, her command on the language clearly showed that she was well-informed. But yet she was denied of this control and the basic level of respect. Worst part is that she probably constitutes the majority – almost all old people I have met look at themselves as an inconvenience!

It has never hit me so squarely as it hit me that day – of the constant babying of older people. And I doubt we realize we are doing it – we stay in the delusion of being understanding and helpful. But on the flipside, I know for a fact that if anyone speaks to me like that, it will be an incessant blow to my dignity. It's a casual ageism that I need to contain next time I speak to anyone elderly – especially my grandma.

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Thoughts? I apologize in advance for not giving a prompt reply – my hand will take a while to recover.

Keep Running

As I bent to tie up my laces,

I saw strangers gawking at my raised butt.

I bit down sharply and took deep breaths.

No matter

I will keep running.

 

As I started my warm-up jog,

I saw judgements on my age and frame.

I wished to conceal the salts of my hair.

No matter

I will keep running.

 

As I paced down the jogging track,

I saw smirks attacking my jiggling belly.

I resisted to hide behind baggy clothes

No matter.

I will keep running.

 

As I set forward accelerating,

I saw stares at my heaving breasts.

I refused to slow down and melt away.

No matter.

I will keep running

 

As I prepare before my first run,

I see a dogmatic society with beady eyes.

I was then inspired by them who still kept on.

No matter.

I will start running.

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Looking at different people with their determination to not give up is often what keeps ME going! Anyone up for a run? 🙂

Almost Healthy

I wrote this while dreaming about this pizza

Almost is so full of possibilities and well, so full of out-of-reach reality. Almost single, almost graduate, almost drunk… 

I take pride in being “Almost Healthy” I have never been an out and out health-freak – impossible given my love for carbs, cheese and chocolates. But over the few years, I implemented lifestyle tweaks to not completely compromise my health. And it has paid off! My hemoglobin levels I tell you 🙂

Sometime back I reached out and read a book on a close relative’s recommendation – Don’t lose your mind, Lose your weight by Rujuta Divekar – my first nutrition based read. To the Indians – she was force behind Kareena Kapoor’s size zero national rage. 

And now I feel like sharing a few different/lost tips which she has so logically spoken about – nothing on losing weight, only about being fit! Do check it out. Just ignore the frequent name dropping and the overdose of Mumbaiya Hinglish (Hindi + English)!

1. Eat EVERYTHING! Yes. You heard it. Don’t go for those high protein/zero carbs crappy diets. Have proteins, vitamins, carbs, calcium, fats and whatever else is out there. Especially good fats! Balanced moderation and your body will thank you. P.S. A slice or wedge of cheese makes a healthy snack 😉

2. Make mornings your new best friend. Hello fellow morning people – time to rejoice 🙂 Your metabolism works the best in the morning! Our body functions super efficiently then so keep fueling it. Eat something immediately after waking up. If you are tempted for buttery chocolate croissants – have it in the morning. Leave the rest of the day for lighter stuff. 

3. Think global. Eat local. Now this was brilliant! Perhaps subconsciously we all know it… Your body recognizes and functions the best with the foods that predominantly belong to your childhood and geography. Italians can have pasta all the time because it is influenced by their childhood, lifestyle, culture, cooking style and geography. Pasta needs all THAT to function well and not turn into an unhealthy carb fest!

4. Plenty of small meals instead of few big meals – So hard to follow! The logic is simple – assure your body with regular intake of food so that it doesn’t go into starvation mode and store fats! It will chill with its feet up and a glass of sangria.

5. Prepare your body for the buffet! Confide into your body when holiday/ wedding season comes around. Or about that sumptuous brunch plan. Don’t give false hopes of limiting your helpings. Just be prepared and don’t shock your body with the ten unplanned desserts. And going hungry the whole day to splurge in the evening is wrong too. Eat normally! One day of going overboard is fine!

6. Love your body! Sounds so easy but apparently very difficult. But appreciate the way it puts up with the abuse and shocks while still supporting us. 

These are a few steps that can help remove the almost from the “Almost Healthy” 🙂 Linda has us talking about “Almost” over at Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Hop over for some interesting takes!

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Do share your own – what are those healthy traits you have incorporated in your lifestyle.

Hospice

Image: pixshark.com

If you are reading this… it means I am dead.

Know that I was not an old man,

Simply a rapidly ageing one. 

Out of control, I bumped into a disease

I wasn’t yet ready to meet and greet.

Yet became my constant companion.

A part of my life as true as the love

I hold for all of you, my dear ones.

 

Time then caught up with me quickly.

Still you tried not to notice,

The deep creases on my forehead

The new tremors of my hands

The sickly spots on my face

The last strands of my crown

The slowed pace of my stroll

 

There was so much to do and see.

Give my daughters to their husbands,

Play with my future grandchildren,

Hold my wife taking in our empty nest,

Prepare for a future just for us again.

Maybe buy a caravan to go places

Other than the hospital two miles away.

 

Know that I was just an aged body,

A young spirit not ready to leave.

But I saw my son coming to get me –

The one I held only for few moments

Before lowering him six feet under.

He gave me the strength to let go,

And wisdom to keep looking after you..

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I witnessed a young man succumbing to health problems at the hospital. He lives on through his wife and two young daughters. Maybe I am trying to capture his thoughts… Abhra has us writing letters at dVerse. Head over to read a few more.