Sepia

That’s the thing about old friends. Instinct becomes your first and only language when emotions stay shrouded behind cooled gestures.

There are layers anew to peel off, bespoke of tense energy. But unexpectedly, a collision opens a floodgate of unspoken sentiments that simmer for an instant. Time goes back and in your heart you know that there can never be a second round. But you imagine a once over, desperate to pick out an alternative where barriers don’t need to be broken down, where your laugh is louder than the wind and the music isn’t a sanctum of restrained emotion.

But time doesn’t stop and the last vestiges of the sparks remain in the pointed scrawls lurking in the latent mind and the splinters of memories tinged with sepia.

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Warped

Dreams and aspirations lie astray,

As I was taught restraint and obedience,

As I was directed to modesty and diffidence,

As I learnt to be demure and sympathetic.

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Wrapped as a daughter, a wife and a mother.

A philosopher. A cheerleader. A dictator.

A cook. A lover. A tutor.

Warped in multiple identities but The One,

Several faces at the loss of The One.

The price I paid.

Of simply being a woman.

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I am under veils of mystery,

Independence boxed by sentinels of society,

With their double standards and patriarchal mindsets.

The waters churn a storm beneath the calm,

The rocks brew lava within the silence.

A dam waiting to burst. A volcano itching to erupt.

Waiting for the dominoes to fall.

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Often called by the name of the rose.

Soft as petals. Rich in fragrance.

Unforgiving as thorns.

Simply a woman.

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Breathless

Clicked during a recent vacation to Munnar, Kerela.

It felt good to get winded after so long -gasping and panting for breath with my mind gratefully numbed out.

It has been almost a week that my hand became better – my functioning is almost normal and I am okay as long as I avoid handshakes. They are my temporary personal hells. The first thing I did to feel normal was to go for a run.

I overdid it. I should have stopped at 3km but well, I was enjoying the burn so much that I kept at it. It felt good to be in control of my body and not give in to the fatigue that seeps in. I welcomed the weightlessness of my head after weeks of heavy eyes and dizzying pain. I truly felt like myself – no amount of squats, lunges or burpees do the magic as the good ol’ fashioned run.

I miss feeling alive. I miss the racing heartbeats. I miss the breathlessness as thoughts run over themselves to get out.

It has not been a picnic for the people around me – a bundle of nerves and negativity I was. The pounds have piled on around my waist, my work has become bland and Game of Thrones is taking on a storyline that is not to my liking! Journeying my way through books, music and assimilating the perfect brownie recipes, I kept from losing it completely. D – bless his soul – was patient most of the times!

In this time, I re-discovered a new fascination for science. Astronomy was always an interest through science fiction, but then facts are stranger than fiction! While I may not be knocking on ISRO’s doors anytime soon (They will shut down the moment they start admitting people like me), I think I want this channel to stay open. A belated resolution to learn something new came to me. Illness isn’t without benefits, I suppose.

Can I just SHOUT OUT a MASSIVE THANK YOU to all of you? The amount of love and support I have received, is incredible.

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We are approaching the last week of August…. Can you believe how time has flown???

Am I a Baby Fan?

I am not quite sure about the amount of hate I may generate with this post – but let me get it out anyway.

I am not a fan of babies. I have never been a baby person. I have never gone “Awww… So cute” when I saw a baby except a few that I really thought were cute (Those few I can count on the fingers of one hand and still have fingers to dip in the jar of Nutella to lick). I am that person who can simply ignore when a baby is being too cute and vying for attention.

I am also not mean or cruel or cold. It’s just that the attraction of a baby never reached me fully. I am more likely to be attracted by a GIF of a chocolate fondant cake than the hundred pictures of a baby. I am in that age-group where some people have started having babies or the baby-talk has entered their life. At this point, I am not sure what I can add to the talk. Neither do I know much about babies, or am interested in their activities or have any inclination to have one in the near future. (Near… Far… That will take another 10000 words to express)

My friend took it upon herself to melt my heart and bombarded me with the cutest baby photographs and GIFs. I admit, there were some really adorable ones that did squirm into the corner of my heart. But the one that caught my eye had a puppy in it and then I was lost. I spent the next one hour looking up videos of puppies playing with babies then progressed to puppies playing with other puppies and finally to puppies playing with kittens.

When I meet a baby, I cannot fawn over him or her! I just cannot. I will play (those feet are so cuddly!) and smile (those gurgling noises are cute!) and make faces (those laughs and shiny eyes!). But they don’t really become a part of my universe. It just does not happen.

I think it is fine. I know I make a cool aunt… the babies who became pre-schoolers and young adults will vouch for it. I have also been awarded the favourite aunt by three of them. Not too bad eh, for someone who is not a baby fan?

Written for Daily Post Prompt Baby

Major Thanks – 1000+ Follows

I started this blog 2.5 years back in the wee hours of the night, when I was going through one of my many “What am I doing with my life?” rant. In the middle of my existential crisis, this blog was born and over a period of time it transformed from acquaintance to therapist to finally becoming a friend. When I am writing, I write like I would talk to my best friend and it is never an effort.

Writing was never an effort. Blogging was a different game. Blogging introduced different minds and communities who are ever willing to teach, provided you take the time and effort to learn. That really tested me and so often I thought, let me take a break from blogging.

But… you don’t take a break from friends, do you? Maybe you meet less often and more selectively – but when you get together, it feels like no time has passed. You pick up where you left off. So yeah! I stumbled and raced through 161 blog posts and here I am…

…. I have crossed 1000 followers. This was something I never imagined would happen to my little blog. But it did.

So biggest and humblest thanks to all of you! This blog becomes a person with 6 senses because of you. Thank you for giving this place such a colourful life 🙂