Mirror #writephoto

Are those cracks in the mirror or is that just me?

Is there even a difference anymore between what’s real and what’s just a leak in my imagination?

Do I even care?

How two-faced have I become?

A complete stranger.

The lights don’t do much good either,

Unearthly rays pass right through me,

Creating a sifted halo around me that does not belong.

My existence feels inconsequential.

Yet, a victim of narcissism’s muse.

I get sucked into my own reflection

Drowning in the pool to become one.


Linking up with Thursday Photo Prompt at Sue’s.

Journey #writephoto

Journey

It will always be about you and you alone,

However extensive, immersive and convoluted the path maybe

In the end, only you can face the song of your salvation.

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A journey that has twisted and broken the bones,

Before spitting you out into the wild

Demands a resolution that only you can surface.

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Time has come to confront your destination,

To leave behind all traces of society and civilization

To embrace an old friend you stopped running from.


After a long time, joining the Thursday writephoto prompt at Sue’s

Unlimited

IMG_8008The culmination came and went by. The dust has settled and suddenly time is a friend. A flaky friend, perhaps but at least not the antagonist in the present state of life.

I am officially an educated unemployed. It hasn’t really sunk in as I immediately took off on a vacation after my last day at work but now as Wednesday afternoon creeps by, I realize I have nothing on my hands except perhaps trace the shades of my tan and the increased pounds around my waist.

I did not take well to quitting my job. I was obsessed in wrapping up pending tasks and deliverables and would even dream about them. Even during the vacation, I was dreaming about the work scheduled – because the thing is – I know what is the work scheduled for the rest of the year. But then I knew I had to take a break! Last few months have been a miserable time and to keep my sanity I had to quit earlier than I was supposed to. The sense of ownership is taking its time in leaving me but I am getting there.

Unlimited time is a gift I need to utilize because the truth is – time is running out. I have less than 45 days to put my life in cardboard boxes before time makes its next play. Last year, D and I decided to take a major step ahead and now that is materializing. I have spoken to a couple of people on the blog about it – I just hope our decision doesn’t backfire. It’s a risk – but then, the payoffs are worth it!


 

Catharsis

For the last few months, I was operating on auto-pilot with the simplest default mode on. I was probably worse than a robot as at least a robot, has some direction configured. If someone had asked me to describe myself, then I’d have been at a loss! Let’s see what could have fit …

A process consultant? Eh!

An aspiring writer? I wish!

A health enthusiast? There have been days!

An experimental baker? Huh huh!

A questioning traveller? I try!

An awesome flower-chaser? Well… Yes!

That is one out of six … one and half if I give myself some benefit of doubt. That’s about it.

But now … I have at least one answer.

That I am still a person – and not a bad one at that. My consistent second-guessing of my mental state and of the Void I was peddling in is at peace. I am loving this … experience – it’s not quite a vacation- I don’t want to box it in. I have earlier written about the work my mother has been doing in the tribal village areas of Northeast India – possibly the most cut-off part of the country both culturally and geographically.

Since five days I have been immersed in the medical camps and the cathartic sense of purpose. These days are more real to me than the last few months. I am with people who still struggle for the most basic of facilities – for whom the word “doctor” is a distant dream. Yet the warm welcome, the outstanding hospitality and attention to details are simply wonderful! There is no power play, there is no politics, there is no personal vendetta. These are people who know work has to be done and are bent over backwards to ensure the dental camps operate smoothly.

No hiccup is too bad. No hurdle is too great. Why worry when there is a problem to be solved? Where there is a will… there is a way or at least a workaround! (I witnessed numerous classic textbook examples). Here I worried about my future, my life decisions while these people have no idea about their present. Yet they smile, yet they toil and yet they put the people above the individual. And for these fleeting moments, I am a part of this system, feeling their confusion, their pain and their hope.

I want to hold on to this warmth. As I write this after climbing half a hill to get range, I feel the cooling warmth of the autumn sun illuminating the valleys of rice fields and misty mountain tops. I want to bottle this light in a crystal decanter and preserve the pulse of those golden rays around me. A reminder that I too am living, breathing and thinking organism.

Unsaved

Image result for twenty one pilots migraine lyrics

Don’t you take a leaf from your memory

And hoard it away in the safe.

Your mind sifts through the times past

Filing the precious moments to be saved for eternity.

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Then you lock the safe and throw the key away,

Because you have the strength to move forward.

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But then the temptation rears its ugly head,

Mocking with the tantalizing flashes of simpler times.

When all is left is to smash it open

And scatter the vestiges of the souvenirs into the wind.

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You are empty-handed, without the safe or those recollections,

Left with exhaustion, incapable of creating more impressions. 


Written for Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday – save/safe.

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