It felt good to get winded after so long -gasping and panting for breath with my mind gratefully numbed out.
It has been almost a week that my hand became better – my functioning is almost normal and I am okay as long as I avoid handshakes. They are my temporary personal hells. The first thing I did to feel normal was to go for a run.
I overdid it. I should have stopped at 3km but well, I was enjoying the burn so much that I kept at it. It felt good to be in control of my body and not give in to the fatigue that seeps in. I welcomed the weightlessness of my head after weeks of heavy eyes and dizzying pain. I truly felt like myself – no amount of squats, lunges or burpees do the magic as the good ol’ fashioned run.
I miss feeling alive. I miss the racing heartbeats. I miss the breathlessness as thoughts run over themselves to get out.
It has not been a picnic for the people around me – a bundle of nerves and negativity I was. The pounds have piled on around my waist, my work has become bland and Game of Thrones is taking on a storyline that is not to my liking! Journeying my way through books, music and assimilating the perfect brownie recipes, I kept from losing it completely. D – bless his soul – was patient most of the times!
In this time, I re-discovered a new fascination for science. Astronomy was always an interest through science fiction, but then facts are stranger than fiction! While I may not be knocking on ISRO’s doors anytime soon (They will shut down the moment they start admitting people like me), I think I want this channel to stay open. A belated resolution to learn something new came to me. Illness isn’t without benefits, I suppose.
Can I just SHOUT OUT a MASSIVE THANK YOU to all of you? The amount of love and support I have received, is incredible.
We are approaching the last week of August…. Can you believe how time has flown???
I feel like tossing logic out of the window at times. It has absolutely NOTHING on the “funny feeling in the tummy” or gut instinct as called in polite circles. And right now, my gut is behaving like it downed shots of Red Bull given the hyperactive signals I am getting. And what a sense of humour these signals have… they are pointing at no direction at all.
How often are your actions guided by such messages that originate from the tummy than the head? I am never even aware of consciously following them. For incomprehensible reasons, I dislike a person on sight or even by their name. A weird GPS in my head steers me in the right direction even when I am new to the place. And I am a master when it comes to leaving a room or a situation just in time, because I sense trouble brewing – I put two and two together and come up with disaster!
I am generally right. When every single fact is telling me that I couldn’t be less wrong, I turn out to be right. A major decision of my life was taken some weeks back and though every valid argument pointed at Possibility A, my tummy informed me at awkward moments than the least likely Possibility C is going to happen. And it did!! Huzzah… Hurrah! Am I superwoman or what?? Or maybe it has something to do with “Women’s Intuition” and all that jazz.
That doesn’t mean I ENJOY having such intuitions. Yes, they can be life-changing if not life-saving. And yes I enjoy the looks that I get from other “less fortunate” people… But I hate the ominous restlessness that takes over. I go mad and manage to drive the unlucky folks around me to the wall tearing at their hair. It goes on for minutes or even hours. I virtually yelled at my friend to get out of the house one evening because every bone in my body kept saying we had to leave now! His exasperation was evident, but then so was the incredulity when we avoided a combustion waiting to happen. That palpable relief was definitely worth the earlier agitation, but doesn’t do much for a tranquil soul or even my public image (Being known as “THAT insane woman” is not my idea of popularity… not yet!)
Not like I have a choice – this feeling is not remote controlled! And over time I have unknowingly started to rely and count on it. If I ever reach that level of actualization, maybe I can even develop it (Dear Lord!). Perhaps I am the next Nostradamus, ya know. But knowing me, I am probably the real-life Professor Trelawney… without the hair nest and perfumes.
Till then, I’ll work on differentiating hunger pangs from such jitters. Although, they do make a great excuse for my perpetual snacking 🙂
How often do you trust your instinct and override the supposedly sound claims made by your mind? How does it work out for you?