‘Faith’fully Yours


“The more you know, the less you feel… Some pray for, others steal

Blessings are not just for the ones who kneel… luckily”

– City of Blinding Lights, U2.

This song is one of my favourites and these lines strike home every time. If I just focus on these two lines – the last line to be precise, there is some elemental truth there.

Faith. Prayers. Blessings.

Beautiful words.

Then bring on Religion. And say goodbye to clarity.

I have come across many people on and off the blogosphere it who are unerringly devout. And I respect that. Met people who are the opposite and are firm atheists. I respect that too.

And perhaps I envy them just a bit. Because they know exactly where their faith lies! Maybe a few are too brash and indulge in excessive bashing of the other side, but most of them respectfully accept. Because, faith is personal. Intimate.

But somehow, I am not sold by either side. Too much has happened in the name of God making us abandon our sense our accountability. And since when was it necessary to pray or observe fasts to be granted a place in heaven or wait for hours in scorching heat to get blessings… I mean, how can devotion be directed??? The other side doesn’t help either – I refuse to accept that there is no greater power and we are all here only because of a few well-timed explosions! No No. This is all too awesome to be an accident.

And… I am from Ahmedabad and I saw the 2002 Godhra riots up close. My best friend moved overnight simply because of the fact that she was a Muslim. I never met her after that and that pain still pinches. Exchanged a few letters, e-mails and phone calls. That’s it. The memory makes me wince at religions and biases.

By birth, I am a Hindu. And my family is devout. But somehow, it never trickled down in me and neither was it ever enforced. All I do is that I light incense sticks in my room as I know it makes my parents happy – which roughly sums up my idea of devotion! It makes my parents happy. And there is nothing more I want and neither is this something reluctantly done. I like those quiet moments of silent reflection. There something relaxing about being spiritual without being religious.

Which isn’t really a bad thing. Don’t they always say that this journey is glorious and pure and often, a limitless one? Which means that I may not ever reach my destination of really defining my faith! “Why are we here?” “What is my purpose?” – Questions beyond the physical and tangible realms remain unanswered in my mind. The only solid ground that I have found is literally our ground – Gaea, Terra, Earth. She supports us and enables life; worshiping her is the least I can do.

It also makes it easy to live with this feeling that I am never really going to find those divine answers. Welcome this quote from Angels & Demons that helps –

“Science tells me God must exist. My mind tells me I will never understand God. And my heart tells me I am not meant to.”


What drives your faith? Or the lack of it? And fellow confused seekers… what do you think? Any luck finding your way? Do you even want to?

Well… Happy First Anniversary to my blog anyway!

Invisible Vision(s)

A Spark like No Other | Image: Prateek Gupta
A Spark like No Other | Image: Prateek Gupta

Ever experienced that moment of clarity – that absolute moment of certainty? That this is it! You were born for this, you were meant for this, you’ve met your purpose in life! It is that one moment when everything in the world aligns meaningfully and you see this gorgeous play of stars taking you back and forth in time. Yet, the heightened awareness of the present is overwhelming!

Where am I coming from? What nonsense did I just spout? Well, this is with reference to that sense of knowing – that absolute conviction sans logic or reasoning. It is a hit that knocks your breath right out of you.

I still am not making much sense so let me state examples – and purely my own and completely unedited. Because this is important!

I experienced two such moments of complete lucidity. The first was when I went cliff-jumping a few years back. I was looking forward to the adrenaline rush, the out-of-body experience and the high-on-life feeling (okay – there was also a little bit of nervousness!)

But the moment my foot left the edge, the micro moments that followed were a stark contrast. No rush. No race. Just an irresistible silent calm inside me. I was totally in control of my body and tuned in to the wind rushing through my hair. It was beyond imagination, beyond any “rush” I had felt. It was almost like watching my life in third person – except I was at both places at once. It felt like for that tiny frame of time, I had traveled beyond life; unknowingly ventured onto a forbidden path meant for the higher spiritual realms. I knew the answers or rather the assurance of my life.

And then the ice-cold water enveloped me in a warm embrace after which a lot of spluttering happened.

The other time was not so profound; nevertheless a moment when every single line of destiny united to present me that one fact. I was astounded as I tearfully glanced at the purple lamp I had received as a surprise gift. There were tremors racing through my body at that unexpectedly intimate moment, all roaring out an answer. If only I had the courage to look into his eyes then… Apparently the unknown question was there.

I never found any reasoning behind such experiences. Some say it is spiritual; some say it is your imagination; while some brush it off as plain adrenaline rush. I don’t know. It can happen as you drive or when you take a dump; in the throes of an intense orgasm or while cramped over an excel sheet. Or like me, through a backward adrenaline rush or by sniffing someone.

The crash that happened later was bad! It felt like sinking into the deepest and coldest trench. The withdrawal symptoms hit hard. Life lost all color for a while. Yet, it was worth it – this glorious form of transcendence! Those illuminating answers needed no logic or derivation. They were just there – timeless.

I am sorry if this didn’t make any sense. Blame Linda and her prompt to use “VIS” in this order which made me come up with the thought of vision – those two visions that thoroughly unsettled and enraptured me. More Stream of Un-Consciousness anyone? 🙂

Have you ever had such moments of lucidity? Maybe when you saw your new home or went skinny dipping or said the words “I do”!  Tell tell!!