It is an unconscious struggle for me everyday. Not eating like a starved maniac and lap up every chocolate, pastry, cheese and cream around me. In my head, I actually become a version of Augustus Gloop but with nicer hair. Grabbing a fist of chocolate pudding with one hand and the decadent cheesy puff pastry with the other hand.
Chomp. Chomp. Chomp.
The funny thing is, it is not even a conscious decision of limiting myself. I am not over-weight. I am very healthy. I exercise. I eat the right things most of the time. And it comes naturally and not forcefully. Yet, at the back of my mind there is a little me (probably even fictive) that wants to indulge in those creamy frothy concoctions. With a dash of espresso on top.
It is a temptation even without me making it so!
This is just me and food. I have met people who really have serious issues about stopping once they start. And not just food. Alcohol, smoking, sex, shopping and something as simple as peaking into the last page of this very very intriguing book. When it is time to sheepishly look back and admit how you went a little crazy for a while, the standard reply is “I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t help myself.” Apparently, you are not yourself anymore and this different version of you takes over. All you can do is helplessly look as you give in to your guilty pleasures (or perhaps not-so-guilty as well. Some people are too hard on themselves!) and later on drown in misery about being so weak and not having enough self-control.
Maybe we start off with high expectations. We don’t realize that we need to gradually wean off so that the withdrawal symptoms don’t hit so hard that we relapse even deeper into it. Or maybe we have the right kind of motivation that is guiding us into something. For example, I went off ice-cream for a year in 2014 in the memory of my grandpa. He loved ice-creams and till our last meet he kept up, “We need an ice-cream party”. And my regret was I could never hold that last party. Wrong or right, I stopped having ice-cream for that year (On hindsight, maybe I should have done the opposite? An ice-cream daily?). And I admit, the first few months were BAD!! But afterwards, I got used to it. I had tubs of chocolate brownie sundaes in front of me and I could cheerfully dole them out without even a twinge of temptation.
But it was just one year. Imagine your guiltiest pleasure reclining on the love seat and beckoning seductively. There is champagne and candle lights to finish off the decadent strawberries. And you have resist this every single day for the rest of your life? Reading stories about people fighting addictions and succeeding (or succumbing) makes me question my determination. I am not sure if I am strong enough to resist. That said, I am not sure if I will ever get addicted so strongly to something. I think.
Something by Mark Twain that makes me think twice and more (I looked it up as I couldn’t remember the exact words) –
“There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.”
Where do you find your discipline and self-control? What is your guilty pleasure that lures you in its silken traps? A secret temptation perhaps? It can be funny, weird or downright believable!
We are talking “temp” at Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday 🙂 Jump right in!!
An Armchair Perfectionist 