With this, I go back to one of my favourite things in life – inking a few thoughts out of the fifty four million that squabble in my head. It was about time to be honest. A lazy Sunday afternoon preceded by a gorgeous brunch. With a full tummy and a wandering mind, I opened my laptop intending to watch some chick flick till the time for my hot chocolate came beckoning. Instead I accidentally opened another folder named, ‘Other Important Stuff”.
Oh boy! I felt like I had been sucked into a never-ending underground slide, with a kaleidoscope playing pictures dating back almost 10 years. What I had so unceremoniously labelled as “other” included a treasure trove of videos, songs and photographs from my school and college days. Almost under a spell, I moved through them – laughing and crying as I remembered the times I had spent with people – some of them whom I have forgotten even exist! What struck me was these are the virtual but tangible souvenirs that show the “stepping stones” of my life. With every video, every photograph I was witnessing a change in myself. I was different in each one of them. Those were the times who moulded me into what I have become today – how could I have even forgotten about them.
They say in the face of death, almost every moment of your life flashes back in front of your eyes in that one moment. But how come an entire day is nowhere close to even start remembering the people, the days, the goof-ups, the surprising achievements and most importantly the thoughts that used to go through my head. Discreetly tucked away was my private guilty stash of Mills & Boon novels, cheesy songs and heartfelt letters from back then. Why did it feel like I was prying into someone else’s life instead of my own memories? Or was it really an entirely different person? Have I really moved on so much that I have forgotten where I came from – that I can’t even remember the people, the music, the eateries that were my life? Moving to different cities, meeting new people, entering a carnival named “the corporate” should just be adding and deepening the shades of colours in the canvas of my life – and NOT erasing them. I was heartened to realise that few of those people are still there on my speed dial, that lyrics of those old songs rolled off my tongue as easily as my name. Maybe it is not too late to pick up the phone and give a call to few of them. And plunge myself into doing what I always love (read: writing; yes – you see what I did there!) and rediscover myself.
This was not an epiphany. This was not something that came to me when I was half drunk and feeling lonely. We never book our calendars to watch the old videos and cringe at our hairstyles. It was unplanned and purely accidental – totally random that got triggered with the accidental clicking of “Other Important Stuff”. Which I guess helped in essentially sucker punching me and realize that I owe it to myself to keep in touch in my roots and not completely lose myself in the sad process we call ‘growing up’.
Daenerys Targaryean has made it her mantra – “If I look back, I am lost”. But how do you find your way ahead if you do not know where you have come from?
Welcome back to me! 🙂
Linking up with Stream of Conscious Saturday with the prompt “Memory” I know I am bending the rule here, but my first post was what flashed through my mind with the prompt.