The Other Side

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Yeah! The other side is too bright occasionally!

I feel like throwing things at people at times. Or anything in front of me. I am not partial.

This big question “Why!!” keeps popping. Why did I work so hard at school? Why did I decide to be all independent? Why am I still in the same city after two years? Why am I so boring? Why is everything normal? Why am I missing the breathlessness? Why????

I feel like I have lost all enthusiasm in life. There was this intense drive inside me – always! Something to look forward to. Something to work for. And now, it is snoring. There is no fight! Weirdly, just a minute back I got a text from a friend going through the exact same thing about how he likes “my enthu” towards life. WHAT??

Which leads to these moments of weaknesses to turn my back on responsibility and sensibility. To everything robotic and pointless! I don’t get goosebumps and butterflies when I look into the mirror. I see a typical corporate slave, a struggling health freak and a writer without a muse (and time). And slave for what? Some figures in the bank and a chance at a good mortgage? Yeah… Definitely something to tell my grandchildren – not!

My life from far (and up close), is actually sorted. In spite of not playing by the book, I do have the ideal checklist that society has laid out ticked off.

  • Family – check!
  • Guy – check!
  • Job – check!
  • Health – check!
  • Friends – check!
  • Fun, laughs, impulsive moments – check!

Nothing wrong in this picture – this rant is just me wistfully looking at the “greener” side. People jet-packing around the world with their fat wallets and divine wardrobes. A lifestyle straight from glossy magazines. Somehow the normal scars of getting a degree, working ten hours a day, worrying about health and bank balance eludes them. Did I do something wrong? Or is it plain self-victimization? (I know it is the latter – shush!)

I crave. To taste the air I am breathing in, to listen to the winds burning my eyes and to see the gush of life flying right by my ears. Empty-handed, I have nothing to show for my time. I feel suffocated. I want to get out. Meander. I want to jump off the cliff again! To feel again.

Walk the thin rope. Straddle the line. The bird inside flutters.

But I can still grow wings, whisper a prayer and jump off with the assurance I can pick myself up.  I worked hard and I believe in those efforts. And on most days I appreciate them. Maybe it is slower and even harder. But I don’t want to lose sight of the magical sunrise of my backyard just because I am yearning for the lost wild. I want to jump on that train and venture into the unknown as long as I know how to find my way back.

The grass is greener on the other side because it has been watered! So I hope my seeds are just waiting to sprout.

I think.


Which is your side? Or are you buried somewhere deep down? Or is your place up in the clouds? Or you are the one who oscillates like me?

 This rant about my moody enthusiasm in life was a result of the prompt “enthuse” at Stream of Consciousness Saturday hosted by the lovely and charming Linda G Hill. Come over – you may find cookies!!

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61 thoughts on “The Other Side

  1. The other side is better because it is the OTHER side. We, as humans, always crave for better and more. We set a goal, like get a good job, then life will be great. Once we have a job, the goal changes to more salary and so on and so forth. We see that many people are in a better position than us and we want to be there in that better position. We will get hang of it. Both this side and the other side. Ranting is good as it reliefs us from the shackles and demons holding us back and making us a slave. Weekend is here Prajakta, so you can have some temporary fun, just in case to get out of the daily vicious schedule of a boring corporate life 😉

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  2. What you described wasn’t a rant prajkata! !! I feel the very same. .which side am I ?lol I am not even sure how to sum it up. .I am cold & baseless at the moment!
    This is normal I believe sometimes we get victimized by normal in life. ..

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  3. I think we all have moments or even long stages of wondering why life isn’t as grand as we thought it would be, or as it seems to be for others, or whatever. But then there are times I’m walking down the city streets laughing, or I’m cooking for an old friend, or my kids are doing something awesome, and then I feel it, that zest for life, that feeling of contentment, accomplishment, direction.
    That checklist is a good one.
    Sounds like you could use a vacation 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think you’ve reached that stage(or age) of life where I was when we first met! And you found it funny then 😀
    We all learn to make peace with life and yet find ways to keep the spark alive.
    Keep learning. All the best :p

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Prajakta. U are a wonderful writer. And I like them because u write so many beautiful things out of ur experience .
    Life us greener where you water it.. These why’s often comes to everybody’s mind but life is all about taking 100% responsibility . what Can I do to turn things around should be your next thought. You’re an amazing person as far as I know from ur writings .. Enjoy the wonderful experiences of life.
    May u get enormous happiness and success
    Best wishes
    Sup

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  6. I’ve been on this side for a while now, and its not a happy place to be. You look over and you see all these other seemingly happy people doing everything you thought you would be doing by now. But you are not. I left Facebook for this reason, because more often than not, it left me feeling miserable. I have a lot of things going for me, there are probably people who would love to trade places with me in some aspects. Guess, it is always going to be a classic case of the grass is greener on the other side!

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    • Here… Have a cookie while we wait it out. Facebook for a while was a source of this discontentment; but anyway not very active. Like you did, I just tried to focus on my reality and get things started. Good luck 🙂

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  7. Sometimes we compare our insides to other people’s outsides. I hope you get to take a wild vacation soon, even it it’s one day, but until then, enjoy those magical sunrises of your backyard.

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  8. You’re not the only one who thinks that way! Sometimes I feel so angry and frustrated like, gah! Where’s the enthu? Why did I work so hard in school and college? Where am I heading? Am I heading in the right direction. All these turbulent thoughts! God! If I could just get a firm grip on reality, I swear I’d choke it.

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  9. The moment we envy
    A enemy in us is born
    Your mind will be gone
    Totally torn.
    Life keeps oscillating
    Bring back the enthu in you
    Life will be totally new:)

    If possible go on a trip alone.Yeah,alone. Trust me you will find answers for your unanswered questions:)

    Happy Weekend:)

    Cheers!!!

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  10. Your grass is supremely verdant when seen by those with no job, no home, ill health, poverty, oppression and no hope.
    I am 66 years old. I have been retired, on a pension that I would call “adequate”, for ten years. I look at some of my friends and relatives and see that they are travelling and doing things I can’t even aspire to. Then I see that they worked up to and beyond the age I am now, and they looked at me and envied my stress-free, relaxed, “adequate” lifestyle.
    It’s all about perspective – as I keep reminding myself.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Glad to see you are normal 🙂 So far as the “other” side is “your” other side, it is all ok, if you ask me. The grass on the other side always seems greener may be because it is watered well or may be it is seen through the green glasses. Either way, one should not complain. Realizing that you are not where, you think, you should be, is half the battle won. It is always the right time to start over at things which are snoring. Lovely piece of writing Prajakta. This made me think through the snoring stuff within me. Some “check” ticks coming up in next few weeks at my end. 🙂

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  12. Hi Prajakta.. a symptom of a human being out of balance.. is when someone asks what have you been up to and you only have two words to respond with ‘working working’.. THAT was me for many years in the 9 to 5 grind.. with little to say..IN fight or flight.. survival mode.. administrating.. supervising.. mega multi-tasking computer MIND mechanical cognition activities… in financial management.. technical writing.. accounting.. personnel.. information technology associated duties.. etc.. etc.. etc..

    Little to NO time for socializing.. re-creating.. and almost zero time or even with an understanding HOW to PLAY ANYMORE…

    RE-CREATION is REQUIRED to keep human fresh and enthusiastic about life.. and truly human being play as creative dancers as foragers in flesh and blood touchy feely connections with an entire tribe as village to get the job of life done is a way of human being for hundreds of thousands of years…

    Classical evolution is very slow.. Epigenetic and Neuroplastic change in one lifetime can be fast.. but when folks look to these terms they see the bright side of change after a major injury to the brain or rest of body.. BUT the dark side is much more prevalent in our society.. as we become functionality disabled social animals…

    It can be hard to truly fully understand and FEEL this until something really catastrophic happens.. one is totally separated from the work world and culture as it stands.. and one has some time to really spend by themselves to reflect on what human being even means..

    i am fortunate as my background in college is three degrees in Social Sciences Interdisciplinary.. Health Science.. and Anthropology.. as i VAGUELY FEEL then in college that my straight A’s in mechanical cognition school activities are slowly killing my zest for life.. and human being in general…

    No degrees for a fancy job for sure.. but degrees to learn about the human condition and what makes human being tick.. and TOCK.. and truly THAT wasn’t nearly enough as only life experience can teach…

    Truly for me it’s simple NOW.. MOVE.. CONNECT.. and CREATE NOW.. yes in that order of importance.. and these are human muscles that range from biceps to emotional heart.. that MUST be used or will be lost in Negative Epigenetic and Neuroplastic Functional Disability in one life..

    So yeah.. i make the Art of Happiness a Science and Practice it like an Art.. and the truth is in flesh and blood life people view me as the happiest person they’ve ever met.. and the truth is i can’t imagine being any HAPPIER than i am now.. but i feel there is room to be even happier.. and i am talking about a calm type of happiness that is never exhausting and always balanced where there are NO BIG ups and downs no matter how fast folks may view me dance.. talk or type.. smiles..

    And i share all i know and feel of what works for me.. with the entire world.. as i have zero fear or anxiety.. to show what it is to be the happiest person I know and feel in the world… and yes.. i have the opposite perspective as well.. for THOSE many years.. in the polar other position of being deader than dead alive.. SO if i can come back from what i’ve come back from.. there must be a science to this human happiness thing that works.. at least for me.. smiles..

    Yes it is ART OF HUMAN BEING CONTINUOUSLY PRACTICED ALL THE TIME NOW.. and society’s ever growing negative epigenetic and neuroplastic functionally disabling reality for human being is MECHANICAL COGNITION AS SYSTEMIZING SCIENCE MIND practiced most of the day behind a scream of 2D screen.. beyond the terror of any Twilight Zone show.. as one can totally not know OR FEEL they even live the Blue Pill Matrix.. without a balance of the red pill for a GREEN PILL REALITY..

    The Oracle is the Truth and Light.. the Architect is never ever truly FULLY human being… ALONE WITH HIS OR HER COMPUTER…

    And yes.. although I am retired now.. i could still be happy working as long as i am connecting to human beings in flesh and blood ways… and serving them instead of ruling them.. with cold hard mechanical cognition activities.. but I am born an empath.. and that is what makes empaths happy.. particularly if they are raised with a touchy feely unconditionally loving parent.. as is my greatest blessing with my Mother ‘Saint Helen’.. on that part of life.. the most important part that will predict if a person has even the capacity to ever be satisfied with the Power of Love.. overfilling all there is for Life.. as Light.. and Truth..:)

    Sorry that is long.. TRULY too long for most people to wade through in our modern Twitter World.. but no matter who i meet.. stranger or friend.. i can’t help but to relate this.. ’cause IF I heard this when I am 45.. perhaps I might not have gone to REAL HUMAN Hell for over 5 years.. they don’t teach you how to be human in school.. not even in those three degree I received.. and yeah.. there’s much more to it than that.. as my 11 million other words typed online since November of 2010 suggest..:)

    But still so simple to me now..

    MOVE.. CONNECT.. CREATE…

    AKA

    PLAY LIFE..
    INSTEAD OF
    STAY LIFE..

    A GREEN PILL
    OF LIFE IS ALIVE..:)

    The sad reality is.. there may be
    no way some folks can escape
    THAT ‘Blue Pill Reality’.. as
    society is designed
    now with
    humans
    as
    cogs
    in a
    machine..
    The ‘Terminator
    Series’ IS a metaphor
    for REALITY NOW2..:)

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I have lots of problems, but I wouldn’t trade them for anyone else’s. I’m accustomed to them. They’re like old frenemies. And I know how to deal with them. So I’ll take my brown patchy grass any day, over someone else’s green lawn.

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  14. Ah the grass being greener and all that 🙂 Truth be told, I am content. Where I am and what I am doing right now is exactly where I should be. I do ponder at times if there is another world out there, one that I haven’t explored. But am not much of a ‘what-if’ person, except on the bad days. Thankfully, those had reduced with age and time.

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  15. My Dear Prajakta, have felt that just one short of a million times! Haha. Nowadays, I have started walking and exercising a bit (again)! That makes me feel good! Love and Regards. 🙂

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  16. First of all, it sounds really like you need a vacation even only for one day or weekend. To get away from the daily life and do something different.
    One think as have helped me, when I feel like this, have been to do something good for myself every day, something I like and as make me feel happy. It could be having a nice bath/shower and give yourself attention in all ways. Be creative. Write, which you are very good to do etc.
    Try to find your inner dreams, what did you dream about, while you were younger? Do you have same dreams now or did they change?
    When you find your inner dreams, it is possible to live many of them out, in one or another way. Nothing is free, so if a dream means something for you, you need to work for it.
    Good luck 😀

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  17. Sounds so normal to me.. and those magazine glossy people are not too happy either.. many of them crave normality… so a single outlet in writing poetry or reading… painting or photographing.. the opportunities are endless once the basics are fulfilled.. 🙂

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  18. Boy oh boy, Prajakta, this is an intensely deep topic I discuss with both my kids nearly on a daily basis. It’s a conversational hot button because both of them feel an enormous amount of pressure to perform and conform to what the majority of society tells us is “normal.” We should want these things and here’s the order in which you should get them.
    We spend A LOT of time discussing the work of Eckart Tolle, and in particular, his book, The Power of Now. It’s helped them enormously. Maybe it might offer some clarity and comfort to you as well?
    Fingers crossed.
    Be well, friend.

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  19. Hi,powerful expressions of a modern time ,the right thing to do is never give up hope there is a light on the other side of the tunnel.Open the door of tomorrow., ….today.Jalal

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  20. Maybe that’s exactly what Thich was talking about when he said this: “We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

    I can relate with your words so much Prajakta, For me it feels like something’s missing and I can’t put my finger on what it is exactly. I think it’s completely understandable how you feel. Our soul craves more, much more. It craves for exhilarating moments that make us feel alive when we stand on the edge of the ocean and a high rise mountain looking out at the world, away from our robotic lives. if that makes any sense…

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  21. again it seems as if you have picked thoughts from by mind…I’m on this side of the grass too..and it seems not alone in feeling unsatisfied in spite of all the checks..

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