Are those cracks in the mirror or is that just me?
Is there even a difference anymore between what’s real and what’s just a leak in my imagination?
Do I even care?
How two-faced have I become?
A complete stranger.
The lights don’t do much good either,
Unearthly rays pass right through me,
Creating a sifted halo around me that does not belong.
My existence feels inconsequential.
Yet, a victim of narcissism’s muse.
I get sucked into my own reflection
Drowning in the pool to become one.
Linking up with Thursday Photo Prompt at Sue’s.
The wounds sneak up slowly.
The blade and the belt catch you unaware,
On the precipice of the cliff
And the free fall into the churning tides.
You don’t recognize the relief you seek.
Is it from the intense sting of your welts?
Or from the powerful current you can never take on?
Or from the pointed rocks that tempt you to end it all….
The last thing I want to do is wilt away in self-pity. It’s not exactly becoming of the kind of person I am, as hidden as it is under the layers of frustration and annoyance.
I took a digital break, and made a small visit to meet some friends. Three days of bliss … that too doggie bliss! My friends adopted a dog a few months back and that mutt brought a touch of happy reality after this really long haze. He made me laugh, he made love and he made me feel. Waking up to his kisses and demands for belly rub was therapy – a doggie therapy.
D has been a blessing throughout, putting up with my mood swings, and basically being a ticking bomb. He ensures there is a good supply of chocolate and feel-good movies, and smartly gets out of the way. He also cajoled me into embracing the Marvel Cinematic Universe and now all I want in life is my very own Groot and Jarvis.
I read the comments on my earlier post and it moved me beyond words. To know that what I am feeling is completely normal and definitely not something to be ashamed of was heartening. What really touched me was the fact that all the support came absolutely without any judgements! It was pure and complete.
I am writing this, on my way to the year-end break. I wasn’t entirely sure it was going to happen given the circumstances but it is happening. While I don’t want to say I am running away from work, but yes… this is a conscious decision to initiate the detox. I want that noxious poison out – it’s been brewing for way too long and I don’t want to infect the people I love with it.
Thank you so much. I am definitely seeing the light at the end of the tunnel
There has been a buzz inside my head, a silent disturbing noise that fades into the background but doesn’t quite let go of its hold on your mind.
I feel like I am spending my time in slow-motion, as the world passes by leaving a trail of scraps and lost bits of hope. I never really understood what it feels like to be in this. When some of my friends went through a really horrible phase, they put the words to their feelings but I could never understand. I always used to feel that just focus, gather the strength to take control of the situation and move forward.
And now, I realised how naive I was. How do you focus when the whole world is blurred? How do you gather strength when even getting up drains you of all motivation? How do you take control when there is nothing to take charge of!! There is no situation, there are no people, there is no direction.
The world is fine. It’s my head that’s in the limbo state. It’s just blank with the taunting noise serving as a sign of the existence of the negativity wrapped in my conscience. It’s been screaming, but even if someone listens, I don’t think I know what those words are.
I have been AWOL. I might be for some time more. It’s a mess.
Doors creaked open to azure skies
Whorls of clouds fading out of the sun
Last seeds of pain dissolve in passing winds
A little bit of hope ….