I don’t remember the last time I really looked at my reflection in the mirror – not even on my wedding day. Typically I spend a few minutes required each morning to ensure that I pass off as a reasonable human specimen at work. Otherwise, I simply avoid looking at myself and examining what or who is really looking back at me.
It has been a whirlwind few months for me… Physically, I have taken some time off to rejuvenate. Mentally? It’s a blank slate. It was a riot outside of me while inside there resided a long silence. It is still quiet – I do have thoughts that flicker like a match – aflame and powerful for a moment then quickly burning out into smoke and ash *my drafts folder nods enthusiastically*
It feels like I was living in a dream while dreams feel like reality! My life gets a … life… at night as I am dreaming away to Pluto; I feel more alive then instead of the waking hours as a clockwork human where I am just checking off my present and losing the sense of time. Looking into the mirror and trying to talk to myself was difficult as we were both working on different surreal platforms. What if I don’t recognize the person in the mirror? Or what if we get into a fight? They are both me right?
I know there is no permanence to this phase of feeling “out of it” as I am already getting back in it! It’s just a slow evolution which is work in progress – that should explain the limbo stage of life.
Every day I tell myself – tomorrow I will look at myself really hard in the mirror and stay longer than the time taken to apply my eye-liner. I want to talk it out – bring closure to our incomplete conversations.
Til then, I will just sleep it out – that works, right?
How do you talk to yourself, if you do? Written for JustJoJan – today’s prompt was “Incomplete” as given by Cyn of That Cynking Feeling.
“Me: If you woke up one day and saw that you are now me, what would you do?
N: I’d go back to sleep! :|”
N: But today, I choose to stay up and take a good hard look at you in the mirror.
We first met in that noisy classroom where you determinedly looked into your file avoiding eye contact. And now, you stare me down like a tigress. Or like this:
When you want to be fed
You used to shy away from even the slightest of physical contact. Now, you pummel me and use me as a punching bag as your heart pleases. (FYI, you aren’t as strong as you wrongly believe yourself to be. You munchkin!)
You were proper in your language and jerked from even the mention of bowel moments. Now, you drop words like a drunk sailor (courtesy: urban dictionary) and discuss corn in poop.
You were uptight, annoying and stubborn. Now, a bribe of nutella and cheese is vital to make you move. Marmoset, you have done quite a bit of cooling down and opening up.
You were a picky, fussy eater – surviving on your chocolate milk fixes and breakfasts. Now, you wolf down anything and everything like a baby dinosaur (provided it is vegetarian, devoid of mushroom, baby corn and raw onions *rolling eyes*)
You were the quiet one, the introvert, and the bookish. Now, you spam my message box like a pesky virus with mad memes and have finally embraced humanity as desirable company.
You never believed in romance and hearts; love wasn’t something you delved into. But now, I see you pink in happiness and it is all I can do to stop myself from mussing your hair.
You were the one for order and structure with THE PLAN. But thankfully, you are learning to throw caution to the winds and yearn for a little bit of colour and kitsch.
Camera shy you always were and you will never stop waging the war against the sun. But your wanderlust and nomadic thirst is nowhere close to be quenched (yay! You got company)
Closed up and secretive you are about your feelings. Then and now. Please realize that it is not weakness to share. It is not vulnerability – it is trust.
Your intelligence is indisputable. But your innocence and naivety was a worry – shrouded with your stuck up bossiness. Now, you have freed yourself from the self-imposed chains.
A kid-alien you were called with your quirks and randomness. But now, err. No! You still a weirdo who makes perfect sense every time, only inside your head!
Perpetually wired for self-destruction you are (God! How hard is it to learn how to walk!), it is pure entertainment to see you avoid the “pitfalls” life throws on you.
My Hand, my protégé, my monkey, my puppy (here girl! Cookie…), my imp, my pooping heir, my foodie, my best ‘man’, my green-eyed pale ghost, my partner in world dominion, my auto-correct goof mate. Cheers to our friendship!
And if I stay as you, ha ha ha! The murderous crimes I’m going to commit in your name are going to be priceless! *alien victory dance*
N is one of my bestest friends. Inspired by late-night talks, yearbook and showdowns I have had over the years. Written for an amazing prompt over at mindlovemisery’s menagerie.
An Armchair Perfectionist 